Romantic Disclaimer

 

I’ve been dating the same guy for over a year.  He thinks he knows me.  He thinks he loves me! 

But before we go any further, I think I should give him the following disclaimers:

 1)  Sure the romance has been steamy, but that’s about to end.  After all, there are only so many times you can pick someone up at the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and high heels.  Don’t expect THAT again!  

2)  I know you think I’m funny, but my funniest days and craziest antics are behind me.  After all, how many times can you hear the same story and still think I’m amusing. 

3)  When there’s no food in my fridge – and there never is – you don’t get frustrated; we simply go out to eat.  But what about when it’s OUR refrigerator and still the only thing that inhabits that frozen tundra is a 6 pack of coke and a Bermuda onion? 

Sure all these idiosyncrasies seem endearing now, but how are you gonna feel 5, 10, 15 years from now? 

You always stop me when I break into a litany of my faults. You say they don’t matter, you love me regardless. But what’s that Latin phrase?  Caveat emptor.  Let the buyer beware.  You wouldn’t commit to a refrigerator … a new car …or a plasma TV without a warranty, why would you commit to a lifelong relationship without one?

“I have faith,” you say.  “It’s love,” you declare.  “Those are just things,” you say, “You don’t fall in love with a new car, or a refrigerator…or a plasma TV.   Well, unless the plasma TV has a 60-inch screen,” you jest.